Alright, so if anyone actually reads my blog, I may get some heat for this one. Let me explain: I am not a parent. I'm an almost 20 year old education student who has spent 3 summer vacations as a 50+ hour a week nanny, has 10 years of babysitting experience, and is the oldest of 9 cousins. I also have an 18 month old nephew that I take care of at least one day a week. So I'd say I'm fairly qualified to give some advice, despite my lack of motherhood or Ph.D.
1) Set a routine and stick to it, as much as possible. This is so important for younger kids. It gives them stability and decreases stress, which they can't handle very well. When I nannied, I was with the kids (4 of them) from about an hour before they woke up until right before dinner. We had a routine, they knew it well, and I rarely got a "can I...(something that was a definite no)" or a "do I have to?" Here's what we did, everyday (For the record, this started when I was 14, and there were only 3 of them: ages 2, 6, and 6): From the time they woke up (7-8 am) until about 10 am or so they were allowed to watch some TV (picked by me) and "get rid of the grumpies" as we called it. Breakfast was at about 8. At about 10, I would ask them to turn the TV off and they had a choice- we could play a game of their choice together or they could play together in the toy room. For lunch, we had a rotation set up so each child got to pick the main part of the meal at least one day a week, and it had to be something everyone would eat. I picked what they would eat on the side. After lunch, they each picked a book to be read, then the youngest took a nap and the older two had to play outside if it was nice out. They could go to certain friends' houses or have those friends over as long as they did not come inside (unless, of course, they needed a drink or my help, or there was an emergency). They were allowed one afternoon snack at a time of their choice as long as it was before 4 pm. Once nap time was over, the older kids were allowed to come back inside and were asked to clean up their toys at about 4 (their mom came home at 4:30).
Again, no complaints, no nagging, nothing. Beautiful behavior from kids the neighbors knew to be rowdy.
2)Say no. Another thing I learned very quickly: you have to say no. And when you say no, you have to mean it. And you can't give in.
3)Don't be afraid of time-out. Kids think time out is the worst thing in existence, and that makes it hard on their caregivers too. Here's my rule (it follows the same lines as Supernanny's): one verbal warning, then on the next offense (in a reasonable amount of time) one minute for every year of age (2 minutes for a two-year-old, etc) and the timer restarts every time they get up.
My time-outs were in their rooms (more of an isolation to cool down than a punishment) with the door closed. If they opened the door, the timer restarted. I used the oven timer because it has a loud beep, and the kids wouldn't think I was extending their time. THIS IS NOT EXTREME. As I said, the kids were sent to their rooms, which were filled with books and toys, and were clearly told the expectations each and every time. The first few times with the two-year-old, he came out so much that I had him in a period of time out that lasted half an hour, ending with me sitting him on my lap in his rocking chair and explaining to him that his behavior had been mean and that's why I had to do this. I also explained to him that if he just sat or played it would be done very quickly. And with a two-year-old I realized that there may be a lack of understanding, so after the half hour session I would always offer to sit and talk with him about what he was feeling that caused the undesirable behavior.
These kids had tempers, and to prevent actual injuries from their fights, this was the only option. I rarely use it with them now, and I rarely use it on any kids I watch. I rarely have to. This punishment should be reserved for fairly specific behaviors and only after a warning is given.
4) Don't stress too much about "behavioral timelines." So your kid is underweight for their age and height but they do eat? Don't worry about it. They aren't potty-trained at 2? So what? Here's my biggest peeve: Your child will hit mile stones at their own pace. As long as it isn't a severe delay, don't worry about it. Just let it happen.
Example: My nephew, 18-months-old, was born full term at 5 1/2 pounds. He was too small for preemie clothes, but he was perfectly healthy. Now his doctors say he's underweight and send him to nutrition specialists. I think this is ridiculous. Small babies and toddlers run in my family: I weighed a bit over 7 pounds at birth and was "underweight" as a toddler, as were several of my cousins. Why? We don't really know, we all ate plenty. But we also ran around like crazy. We wouldn't sit still. Same with my nephew. He eats three meals a day plus snacks, but if he isn't sleeping, he's running around like crazy. And when he was born so small, what do they really expect?
Really, if your kid is walking, talking, and potty-trained by the time they go to school, they're good to go. Every kid is different!!
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